The Waning Hours of Solitude: 18 Things I’ll Leave Behind Once I’m Married

In my last 2 weeks as a single man, I ponder over the domestic habits I will cast aside once married. Here’s the list:

  1. Re-wearing dirty clothesMisc Shoes
  2. Watching The Walking Dead in my underwear
  3. Shopping for one person
  4. Cooking for one person
  5. Cleaning up for one person
  6. Keeping shoes (and clothes) I don’t wear anymore
  7. Not dusting
  8. Leaving my front door unlockedDisheveled Couch
  9. Not washing/changing my bathroom towel for “extended” periods of time
  10. Scattered books and belongings over EVERY surface
  11. Disheveled couch cushions
  12. Spreading out over the ENTIRE bed
  13. The probability that I will come home to an empty apartment
  14. An empty bathroom counter
  15. Knowing all clothes that come out of the washing machine are mine
  16. Confidence that things will be exactly where I left them lastClean Bathroom
  17. Playing games with myself, including: “Does this match”, “Is this edible”, and “WHAT’S THAT SMELL!?!”
  18. Most importantly, knowing I’ll never have to ask myself whether I’m actually crazy or not. I’ll have someone there to always respond with a comforting… “Sweetie. You’re crazier than ever.”

But I look forward with complete joy to what will take the place of what I leave behind…

sort of.